There is a God

I can't believe it has been over 4 years since I last blogged. Not really sure why I decided to log in after all this time. I must say that I've really grown and matured in the past 4 years. When I look back on the old blogs, I have to ask myself, "Was that really me?" With that being said, I know there is a God that will make provisions for his children. I was blessed to get out of a dead-end relationship, graduated from nursing school, purchased a home, travel to exotic places, finances are in order, and living life to the fullest!!! God favored me!! I do not regret anything that I went through because it has propelled me to my current state. I am not in a relationship at this time, but I have great prospect that may become my husband one day. I know what God has for me is for me. God has put people in my life that have assisted me in transforming from a girl to a woman. I am forever indebted to my mentor for showing me the way and coaching me financially. No matter what, I will always commend and love him for that. My goal is to become a successful business owner, develop my property, travel, and continue to give God the glory for making everything possible. I am proud of myself because I am a faithful tither at church, which I feel has played a major role in my blessings. I don't think twice about writing a check because his promises are never returned void. I will continue to pray and oneday all of these things will come to fruition. With God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE...........

Things have gone bad.....

My last post stated that the relationship thing is going ok, well things have changed since then. My feelings are almost gone and I have am "I don't care attitude." That type of attitude is very detrimental to any type of relationship. I could careless at this point if this relationship is over today. We had a big fight about 2 weeks ago and I got a cut on my foot. I felt like I was sooo close to being gone, it was not even funny. I know what God has for me, is for me. I am going to continue to pray about this thing and put things in God's hands. School is going ok, I am in Microbiology right now and I am retaining the information much better than in the summer. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my teacher speaks clear English and explains things well. I am planning on applying to a Nursing program in another county, and who knows I may relocate. I really need to start saving money so that I could get my credit in order and start my projects that would lead me to a road of comfort. Well, I am going to end this for now. Hopefully there will be better news next time I blog.

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Whew!!

My life is finally almost back to normal. My houseguest is gone, school is out, and the relationship thing is going ok. I have almost completed the pre-requisites for the nursing program and will apply for acceptance in January 07. I am at a point in my life where I am trying to find out what I could do to make my children's lives better. A friend and I are anticipating on starting our own business eventually, dealing with the elderly. I am thinking about obtaining my CNA license in the meantime in order to be able to have a flexible part-time job. I want to eventually become an RN so that I am able to be somewhat of a stay-at-home mom. I am at the age where I am thinking about having children, after I find a husband. My job is going well, although I haven't had a raise in almost 2 years. The job is very flexible and allows you to develop your own style. The best part about the job is that you do not have to be in the office 8 hours a day and you do not have anyone looking over your shoulders at all times. As I stated earlier, the relationship part is going ok. I must say that I am proud that he is continuing to hold on to his job (it will be one year in July :-0) I think he is really trying, although everything does not go my way. It seems when I try to find something on him, nothing ever shows up. I am wondering if that is a sign from God telling me that this is the one for me. I must admit, the passion and love is there 110%. I feel that passion is a big part of a prospering relationship. I pray that God gives him a sign if he is the one for me so that he could ask me to marry him. Well, I guess only time will tell. I know one thing, I am getting older and almost ready for a husband.

Trying to help

I am currently in a situation where I am trying to help a relative get on their feet and accomplish some things. It is hard when a person is not receptive to opinions and is on the lower side of the intellectual curve when it comes to the "real world". I am the type that is a go-getter and I guess I expect everyone to be like me. I know if I was broke and looking for a job, I would have gone to the nearest McDonalds and started flipping burgers. As I get older, I realize that I can not be everything to everybody. I try my best to be a great person and assist where I can. At this point in my life, it is getting very stressful, to the point where I want to scream sometimes!!!! I have to deal with a full-time job, full-time school, paying bills, dealing with members, dealing with a dude that is not worth my time, taking care of an adult, and just trying to manage life. I miss having my apartment to myself and being able to come home to a piece of mind. I like to know if something is dirty that I made it dirty. It drives me crazy to feel like I am cleaning up behind someone. When I was younger, I was called "slouchy" because I refused to keep things clean if I did not mess it up. I know that I've paid my debts to helping others and deserve some help after this episode. Don't get me wrong, I love family and would be willing to help in any way besides living arrangements. We live and we learn and people just take some things for granted. I pray to God that I will not need anyone for living arrangements because it is something to deal with. I can not wait to see where my entire life ends up. I hope my free-heartedness pays off in the long run.

Hawaii

I recently spent a week in Hawaii with the person that is "in order". Things went great and I was shown a great time. While en route to Hawaii, while in Atlanta, I spoke on the phone with the person that is "not in order" and he told me that things he said in the past were just dreams that he sold to me. That statement tore me apart and I justified my trip and really looked forward to enjoying myself and seeing what the "better" life is like. I don't know why, but it is so hard to let go and he knows how to get the best of me. I promised myself that it was the last time he would make me cry. I could not believe I was crying in front of everyone in the airport! Well, to say the least, I had a great time in Hawaii. I visited the Polynesian Cultural Center, took a submarine ride 120 ft deep into the Pacific, watched the sunset on Waikiki Beach, and ate at the finest restaurants. I must say, I will always remember this trip for as long as I live. I felt very fortunate to have a friend that was willing to cater to me and to show me a great time. Now that I am back to reality........of course "not in order" apologized and said that he loves me and that no one can change that, yet he still acts the same. I pray to God that he gives me some direction in this situation because it is very stressful and I want to make the right decision. I am getting older and not younger. I know oneday my prayers will be answered and what is meant to be will be. Time will tell.........

.....and the saga continues

I am in a situation where I think the person that I am with may not be the person I want to raise a family with. I am very outgoing and like to go the theme parks, fairs, and do other extracurricular activities. It seems as if he is not with that type of entertainment. I don't think he will change once I have children, so is he the one for me? We have great chemistry, but we are not on the same page with real life situations and responsibility. I don't know how long this is going to last, but I feel if you really love and care for someone, you will first change for yourself and then modify behaviors in order to make that person happy. I am continuing to better myself, while he claims to be trying to better himself. I wish we could predict the future to see where things will end up. I just don't want to waste my time or his time, so I am hoping for a sign from a higher being to let me know when enough is enough. Maybe he will realize that I am not the one for him either and tell me he wants to leave me for the third time and be serious about it. I know that all things are learning experiences, but how could a person you love dearly not be the one for you? We get along great, do not argue, make each other laugh, etc, etc. I just pray that if someone else comes along that we have those similar qualities along with the same outlook on life. I guess time will tell.

What to do?

Here I am, a strong black woman with great potential who has a significant other that does not want to act right. What am I to do when I love this person dearly, but know that they are not holding up to their responsibility?